I'm not one of those young people who think they're invincible and are only suddenly jolted out of their dreams when somebody their age dies.
First of all, I'm not young. And secondly, even when I was young, I had always been aware of my own mortality. I'm a morbid person and a hypochondriac. I think of death almost all the time. Not in a melancholic, depressive way, but more in a practical manner, such as, I make sure that I don't sleep naked, so that if I die in my sleep, I don't give a shock to the person who finds me. I throw out the rubbish before I go out, because if I die, it might be days before someone comes to clean the house, and I don't want it to smell like a dumpster. I don't make plans too far ahead in the future, because who knows if I will live long enough to see them through. Similarly, I don't make promises that I'm not sure I can keep.
If you feel in any way uncomfortable talking about death, be warned that you might find the rest of the content quite disturbing.
First of all, I'm not young. And secondly, even when I was young, I had always been aware of my own mortality. I'm a morbid person and a hypochondriac. I think of death almost all the time. Not in a melancholic, depressive way, but more in a practical manner, such as, I make sure that I don't sleep naked, so that if I die in my sleep, I don't give a shock to the person who finds me. I throw out the rubbish before I go out, because if I die, it might be days before someone comes to clean the house, and I don't want it to smell like a dumpster. I don't make plans too far ahead in the future, because who knows if I will live long enough to see them through. Similarly, I don't make promises that I'm not sure I can keep.
If you feel in any way uncomfortable talking about death, be warned that you might find the rest of the content quite disturbing.
~ ~ ~
My life so far has been nothing but a series of ironies. So, I think there's a high chance that my death will be ironic too. Here are some of the possibilities of how my future life (and demise) might play out:
- I don't smoke. I die of lung cancer.
- I don't like anything sweet. I die of diabetes.
- I survive cancer/any other serious illness. I die of a common cold.
- I survive a plane crash/shipwreck/massive car crash. I die from being hit by a kid's bicycle.
- I sail across the oceans, and survive storms at sea. I drown in a bathtub.
- I run ultra-marathons. I die of exhaustion in a 5K race.
- I successfully climb the highest and most dangerous peaks in the world. I die from falling down the stairs at home.
- I travel to some of the most dangerous regions in the world. I die after getting mugged in a supposedly safe country, like Singapore or Japan.
And that's not all. I have also predicted what's going to happen after my death:
This blog is going to gain sudden popularity among friends and strangers. Some of them are going to find this post and say, "Oh look, how creepy is that! She knew she was going to die, that's why she wrote this post!"
Well, here's some news for you: it's because I know I'm going to die that I'm writing this frigging BUCKET-LIST blog, smarty-pants. What is a bucket list? It's a list of things that you want to do before you kick the frigging bucket.
Next, depending on my cause of death, everybody will suddenly become an expert in that field. If I die while climbing a mountain for example, everybody will suddenly act like they are mountaineering pros. They will analyze what I did wrong, and dish out advice on what I should or should not have done, to avoid the disaster.
And lastly, some religious, self-righteous assholes are going to say (in Malay, most likely), a variation of these:
- Serves her right for insulting religion.
- She deserved all of this, the way she had been living her life.
- Her parents didn't raise her well.
- Pity her parents for having a child like this.
- God loved her and didn't want her to continue sinning, so He took her life early.
- This is God's warning for the rest of us.
- See, she was so arrogant before, now that she's dead, she still needs us to clean and bury her, and pray for her.
- Well, she should have been raped and killed long ago.
- She was asking for it.
- She will rot in hell.
So, save your breath, followers of the religion of peace. Whatever 'words of wisdom' you have that you think are so original, I have already thought of them before. I might even have said them. Remember, I was in your camp once. And then I grew up.
Not that I have many things to give away. There probably won't be much left in my bank account, judging from the way I keep throwing money at airline companies. Still, I don't want it to fall to the wrong people, i.e. relatives who are only going to spend it on new shoes and handbags. And then continue to talk shit about me.
In my will, I have given instructions for the executor (my partner and/or best friend at the time of my death) to publish a statement on this blog and all of my social media (because I'm extra like that). So if you know that I'm dead, and you don't see that statement anywhere, please alert the executor. S/he may not be aware of this. The will is in an unsealed white envelope in a blue box on my rattan bookshelf.
I also know that I'm supposed to hire a lawyer or a witness to verify that the will had indeed been written by me, but since I can't afford any of those, I'm posting a video here of me signing the will. Now, y'all are my witnesses.
~ ~ ~
Recently, I came across my Chinese horoscope for next year, and truth be told, it didn't sound very promising. It says that I'm going to deal with the death of a family member and possibly even my own. Now I don't usually believe everything that I read online (or offline for that matter), but I tried searching in the website's archives for my previous years' horoscopes and they were eerily accurate. Plus, I'm going to India soon, and we all know that it's not the safest country for solo female travelers. So I figured that now is as good a time as any to write my will.
Not that I have many things to give away. There probably won't be much left in my bank account, judging from the way I keep throwing money at airline companies. Still, I don't want it to fall to the wrong people, i.e. relatives who are only going to spend it on new shoes and handbags. And then continue to talk shit about me.
In my will, I have given instructions for the executor (my partner and/or best friend at the time of my death) to publish a statement on this blog and all of my social media (because I'm extra like that). So if you know that I'm dead, and you don't see that statement anywhere, please alert the executor. S/he may not be aware of this. The will is in an unsealed white envelope in a blue box on my rattan bookshelf.
I also know that I'm supposed to hire a lawyer or a witness to verify that the will had indeed been written by me, but since I can't afford any of those, I'm posting a video here of me signing the will. Now, y'all are my witnesses.
