Get A Brazilian Wax

No you're not gonna see the before-and-after picture. Sorry.

Brazilian wax differs from bikini wax in that it involves complete removal of hair from the buttocks and adjacent to the anus, perineum and vulva. Brazilian wax is also known as a full bikini wax, Hollywood wax, or the Sphinx, named after the naked breed of cat. (Wikipedia)

2016: A quite well-known waxing studio had just opened a new branch near my house. And they were having a promotion for first-timers to get a Brazilian soft wax for only RM29 (N/P RM100++). It was RM288 in KLCC. So I made an appointment.

And then I started to get nervous. It was not about having a stranger poke and prod at my private parts, that's nothing new. I was more scared of the pain. I had read several blogs that shared about their first times doing the wax, and they seemed unanimous about one thing: don't go there sober. There was one mother of two who had survived labor pain twice, but still teared up when she had her first Brazilian wax.

So, I took the advise to heart. Thirty minutes before my appointment, I downed half a bottle of red. Being tipsy in the morning reminded me of my teenage years. I hoped they wouldn't smell it on my breath or see the telltale stain on my teeth and lips, or else what kind of impression would I make! Some drunkard who had been drinking through the night and early morning.

After registration, I was asked if I had to use the bathroom. Of course I did, the wine was making my bladder full. Then they gave me a wet wipe to clean myself with, and asked me to undress from the waist down. I covered myself with a towel.

The "waxpert" was polite and friendly, we chatted for awhile as she prepped me up. It didn't feel very awkward; I find it more so when a dentist tries to have a conversation with me while doing my scaling. She then slathers the warm wax on my skin, and before I realized what was happening, rip, rip, RIPPP!! Oh. My. God. Slather, rip, repeat. For about half an hour. There were some parts that were more sensitive than the rest, and hurt like a motherf*****. My original plan was to opt out of the full Brazilian and instead choose a design, perhaps a love shape, or my partner's initials. I waited for the waxpert to ask me if I wanted to have any design but she never did. So, full Brazilian it was.

Personally I think the result was not that much different from normal shaving, except that when you shave yourself, you are bound to miss a spot or two. But that's better than having to deal with pimples the day after, which according to them, was quite normal considering that I had sensitive and acne-prone skin. Asked whether I'd want to do it again, umm, nope. Unless they have really cheap promos.

Get A Cupping Massage

Cupping massage, or cupping therapy is an ancient form of alternative medicine, in which a local suction is created on the skin, using heat or mechanical devices. Practitioners believe this mobilizes blood flow, and in turn, promotes healing. (Wikipedia)

Healing of what, I'm not very sure. I did it because I think the bruises look cool, and I was hoping it would feel good and perhaps relieve some of the tension on my neck, shoulders and upper back.

2016: After walking around in Bukit Bintang, looking for a massage parlor that was cheap and clean enough, I settled on the one in Times Square. The lady who served me claimed she came from China. Suspiciously, her accent sounded very Malaysian to me. Perhaps she has lived in the country for a long time.

She started with a brief massage, and boy, was she strong! I was starting to believe that she really was from China. And then she asked me to relax (I should have known that was a bad sign, because people always ask you to relax just before they do mean things to you, like the time my swimming instructor asked me to relax and then snatched the flotation device away). True enough, the Chinese masseuse then slapped these hot cups onto my back, and each of them immediately started to suction my skin and pinch my flesh like crazy. I don't know, it felt like really hard pinching and squeezing and never letting go, like someone was really mad at you or something.

The lady told me to relax (again) and said she was going to leave me for 15 minutes while she attended to other customers. I was like, hho...kayy..

When the torture time was up, she came back and started the process of prying the cups off my back, which was also quite painful, but thankfully, fast. My skin was still very sore when she proceeded to give me another strong massage. This was how my skin looked for a few days afterwards:

Not as painful as it looks

Join A Zumba Class

Zumba is basically a dance fitness program that involves aerobic movements performed to energetic music, which incorporates hip hop, soca, samba, salsa, merengue and mambo. (Wikipedia) It was the 'in' thing to do. You get to work out and still look sexy and slutty sultry.

2016: There was a one-week event at a shopping mall near my workplace, where they collaborated with Fitness First to offer free workout sessions on the rooftop. They also had Bodytone and Bodyjam and Bodywhat-nots which weren't really my cup of tea, so I joined Zumba with a couple of my colleagues. We had to wake up early on a Sunday morning, but it was really fun. The instructor was awesome. My body ached for two days.

The instructor's the one in the middle